Thursday, April 2, 2015

A Letter to all you "Kinda" Fat Girls

Hey you... yes you... I have something to tell you.

I know you, like really know you.

And I know you because I am you...

I know that your not fit enough to be happy with yourself but not "fat" enough to complain about it.

I know that you bust your ass in the gym but are not seeing any results.

I know that you step on the scale every morning only to see that there hasn't been any progress.

I know that you put yourself down in the mirror when you are standing there naked before getting in the shower, judging every inch of yourself vulnerable to your expectations of yourself.

I know that you do your best to eat whats good for you and try to follow all the rules and take your vitamins.

I also know how difficult it is to be in the halfway point of your success story.

And I know this because I am you... I am going through it with you.

If this is your first time here you may have been thrown off by the fact that this is or was a fitness competition blog. And I want to let you in on a little something... I was a fitness competitor in June of last year and since then I have made a downward spiral of mega weight gain and a lot of bad decisions. 

Since June I have gained about 25 pounds and lost all respect for myself. I decided back in February that enough was enough and I am tired of feeling like shit. 

My entire adult life I have been an off and on fitness enthusiast. I do really great and am really dedicated for a few months at a time only to turn around and take another few months off using the excuse that I'm to busy to accomplish my goals. I honestly don't get why I keep robbing myself of my own happiness. 

Now before you start to think that I might be vain or I'm only focusing on the "kinda" fat girls but honestly if you are reading this it is because you have some interest it changing your life and being comfortable with who you are and I don't care what size or shape you are in. 

I wanted to write this letter to you today because last night while I was standing there in all my naked glory in front of my mirror prior to taking my shower I noticed that I was attacking my image. My gut sticks out to far, I look gross, my boobs are not perky, my ass has dimples in it... pick...pick...pick.

Then I recalled how when I was in Zumba earlier I was watching myself in the mirror at the studio and was also inflicting the same self sabotage. I kept telling myself God you look fat and begin to pick apart myself. 

The hard thing is, is that I feel like I cannot talk to anyone about it. I tell a friend and hear your not even fat, I talk to a coworker about my desire to lose weight and I get told that I shouldn't even worry about it and I look fine, I get that they are trying to be sweet and/or that I don't fit into what they consider fat but I don't feel that way and sometimes it would be nice just to have someone ask me why I feel that way or say Hey... I know what you mean. 

What is especially hard is that I have been dedicated since February and not seeing any results... I know they will come eventually and I just have to keep what I am doing but it really sucks to be doing great things for yourself but still have image issues. 

I'm constantly looking at those sexy ladies you see on instragram and comparing myself to them. I hear my brain mutter I MUST LOOK LIKE THIS. And it is beyond unfair to do that. 

I was in tears last night while I showered mulling over all of these feelings and was kind of disgusted for how mean I am to myself. I mean can you even imagine how hurt someone would feel if you said out loud to them the things you say to yourself? 

So ladies... enough is enough. No more self shame, No more picking yourself to pieces in the mirror, If you don't have anything nice to say to yourself then don't say (or think) it at all. 

So... with that being said... I have a 30 day challenge for you... are you ready?

This challenge is designed to bring out the beauty and the best in you, to help you achieve your goals what ever they may be, and get your life back on track and to love and accept yourself for who you are. 

I will be doing this with you at the same time so please join me as I will need all the support I can get. In return you will get my support and hopefully the support of others. So here is your first challenge:

Challenge #1:
  • Get yourself a notebook/journal
  • Write your name and your favorite inspirational quote on the first page
  • Subscribe to by blog so you can get the daily challenges via email
  • Comment below saying "I'm in!" 
See you lovelies tomorrow with Challenge #2!

xoxo
Kaila 


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